late night media dispatch #1?

media I'm currently enjoying (literally right now) + sharing an invitation to radical tenderness

good evening my amazing perfect lovely paid subs! I have been neglecting you for far too long over these insane couple of months so this little dispatch is my way to make it up to you <3

this might or might not be a new sporadic segment where I essentially fill you in on whatever media I’m enjoying as I go about my late night shenanigans. It’s essentially the raw, unfiltered praxis of the whole instead of doomscrolling ethos.

when it comes to the content I put behind the paywall for you, I always felt this need to make it as high-quality and valuable as possible. these pieces usually require so so so many hours of research and writing (and designing now that I’ve decided to take on graphic design here too lol). but through this entire IOD transition, I also feel like this is just as valuable, and this way, you actually get to know me. do let me know if this is something you’d like to receive again :)

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alriiiight everybody lets get into it.

Sat. May 23, 2:04am (COT)

I think having so many things to do literally makes me productive in the most useless ways because I do really cool and fun things, just not the ones I should be doing. I think that was the case today. either way, enjoy the mini roundup that came from my unproductive productive night :)

I’ve been shaken up real good by the universe or whatever metaphysical force is out there that made sure that everything that could happen, happened. this entire experience has really brought on a new perspective for me, and as you’ll notice, this is not really edited, written in the middle of the night—as you can tell by the time stamp—and it’s genuinely unfiltered. it might not have the robust structures and visuals that you’re used to getting from me, or a typo might slip here or there, but just as much love is poured into it <3

as I was writing this, I got reminded of this song—some of the lyrics go like this:

“Singing will happen, happening happened
Will happen, happening happened?
And we will happen again and again”

so I went to watch the video and I fully cried, I love Adventure Time so much

I’m listening to this online radio show on N10.as called Echoes of Time.

this specific episode is one I’ve been listening to repeatedly over the past few days. it’s something kind of outside of my usual rotation, but ambient media—not just music—has been something I’ve been really getting into lately as a concept. here’s a thesis project I stumbled upon on Are.na that I’ve been reading my way through:

READING MACHINES: AMBIENT WRITING AND THE POETICS OF ATMOSPHERIC MEDIA

speaking of are.na, there’s this other project I stumbled upon a while ago titled “an invitation to RADICAL TENDERNESS”.

I’ve found myself returning to it again and again, always finding some new wisdom. I don’t think I have much to say here, as this is genuinely, an invitation. I would love to know if any particular page stuck out to you. here are the ones that did to me on this particular read-through :)

I lied I do have something to say lmaoo. basically I have found myself in the position where I feel the need to really establish my values, both personally and vocationally, to make sure I practice coherence and genuinely disrupt the toxic cycles of self-sabotage to remain centered. this is an ongoing evolution, but i’m making sure that i’m putting in the actual work. projects like this one are ones that i don’t just read, but internalize—I guess that’s why I keep coming back to it.

now as I try to wind-down and actually try to sleep—I think I’m nervous about tomorrow’s live so I’m procrastinating on sleep—I’m playing this starscapes film on my TV. I’ve been doing this lately either with this film or a simple screensaver video of no sound of a starry night (which lowkey is connected to my interest in ambient media but I digress).

I like to think of it as my grown-up version of those glow in the dark stars we used to have as little kids on the ceilings of our rooms. I think one of the veeeery few things that gets my overreactive mind to slow down (other than fan fiction duh) is thinking about the cosmos, outer space, heavenly bodies, the infinity in which we’re orbiting temporarily.

ok ok, I know that was a bit dramatic, but just thinking of the stars and how there are things much larger than me and my silly earthly issues (they are indeed not silly but still) are so small compared to the expansive universe to which we all belong to <3

I think that’s it for tonight. I’ll leave you with this video of me trying to figure out my mom’s old camera as I continue to plan my actual return to TikTok (this time I’m being fr I swear), potentially YT and IG but who knows about the latter. I’m trying to experiment and really do something different and fun, because if I’m going to willingly post on those god forsaken apps I better have a really good time doing it (this means literally forgetting the algorithm is even a thing).

anyway, here you go lmaooo

good night,